Diligence of a holy mage

Too much shit happened in the past... five to six months that I haven't written in here.

Befriended Jayden again after all of that. Life's not fair. Feelings for him returned, or never really went away.

Getting closer to Shrike. Starting to like Shrike. More than just friends kind of feelings. Developing feelings for a man who had a bad past. From the Isles. Who's a mercenary of sorts. Who's probably not good for me. Scratch that, who is NOT good for me.

Tonight, I saw him by himself and wanted to talk to him just to see how he's doing then people started showing up. People who I feel really awkward towards... I had to move away and give myself some space. One chick was this girl named Curie, who is dating Ryker. Dude I had a crush on before I got kidnapped. Another is this... Ani person. Who leads this thing called Nation. Who is a mutant supremacy group, and apparently had huge beef with magic users.

Yeah. Not talking about that anymore.

Recently, Jayden and I had a talk about feelings. But if it's anyone's feelings I'd rather pour myself into, it'd be Jayden. While both Shrike and Jayden are no good for me, I know Jayden will be there. Shrike's apparently married to his job, anyway. Besides, I don't think my parents would agree with Shrike's lifestyle.

Anyway, whatever. I'm complaining but I was hoping for some alone time with Shrike. And I was hoping that he'd show me his real face without other people around but I guess that's just asking for too much.

Four days left here in the U.S. before I head out to London with this guy named Lance who's in Jayden's guild. Still have a few things to tie up here. Jayden and Plum are already over there.

Something about being able to put shit on here. Not like anyone's really gonna read this, but whatever. Better that way, anyway.

By the way, don't trust anyone who opens up portals for you. Earl fucked it up and took us to a dimension that probably had a lot of monsters and apparitions, and Jayden's corridor from that dimension back home was no easy feat, either. Something about opposing powers and shit.

Jayden wants to reconnect or some shit. He saved me. Do I say yay or nay? I already know Kes'rin feels something for me, but he's an asshole for shutting himself off when I told him I had no plans of doing anything about Jayden.

Blah blah, something about Jayden hurting me and I shouldn't even care about him even though he saved me. I'm pretty sure the possibility of Jayden becoming my friend again is not something that sits well with Kes'rin, but he needs to fucking man up and tell me that shit already. He just doesn't fucking get it. I'm supposed to ignore that he saved me or some shit?

I honestly don't even know what he's afraid of. Is he afraid that if I let Jayden be my friend again, he's going to fuck me over again? That jackass has nothing to worry about, I'm not letting Jayden get that close to me ever again. Hell, I don't even know if I'm gonna be actual friends with him, anyway.

Before I got sucked into that place, I remember seeing Ryker (some dude I'm sort of having a crush on, though that's dwindling) and then seeing Jayden hanging out with him. Shook my head and thought to myself that I should have known better. Besides, there are these people all over him on Formspring that I'm just not gonna get in the way. I tried getting in the way in the past and look what it did to me.

Getting into too many tangents. I'm going to bed.